So while at Denny’s my friend tried looking over onto my phone to see what I was writing and he didn’t see and so he just asked and I told him I was writing stuff on Tumblr. He then proceeded to ask what I write on Tumblr. I came to the conclusion that i don’t give a fuck if he finds my Tumblr. He is one of the reasons I have a Tumblr in the first place. I cant be myself around my friends without being called “gay”, “weird”, or “dumb”.
Ive never really had many friends. growing up, i was always the kid who got picked on and just sat quietly in the corner. Not much has changed, I dont get picked on anymore once I outgrew everyone in middle school, but Im still that quiet kid that sits in the corner. I know Im different, Im not like many guys. Even my mom has told me “Im different”, which hurt to hear coming from your mom; but its true. Im very socially awkward around people my age. I never cared for doing drugs, drinking or party’s. When I do drink, it’s with family and it’s usually wine. The friends I had through high school, we had very diverse personality’s, but we just had similar interests, and that’s how its always been. Our personality were very different but we both liked cars, computers, and/or science. All of my friends fit in that “shared interests” category. I cant carry a conversation with the people I grew up with. But I can talk to my parents friend and people in there 30-40’s just fine. I always see pictures and videos of friends hanging out and just being themselves where ever they are. You know how much Ive always wanted that? Not having to be a different person around your so-called friends? Ive only felt that feeling once in my life. Once. That was with my friend Lysa in Florida.
Tumblr is my outlet. It allows me to be myself without having to hide being the curtain, the jail like bars, and the tears.